I remember so clearly the day I bought my own phone with money I’d earned myself. It should have felt like a milestone a moment of independence, proof that I was capable and self-sufficient. But instead of the pride I expected, I was met with silence. My father didn’t even look at the phone, let alone acknowledge my effort. The absence of approval stung more than I could have imagined.

A part of me longed to hear, “I’m proud of you.” Just those simple words. But they never came.

For years, I worked hard to make decisions for myself, hoping for validation, only to feel dismissed. I started to notice a pattern—every time I made an independent choice, I was met not with celebration, but with disapproval, passive-aggressiveness, or outright silence. It made me question: Did my decisions only matter if someone else approved? Did I need validation to feel like I was doing the right thing?

The Weight of Approval

Growing up, I heard the same message over and over: Work hard, make sacrifices, and success will follow. I believed that consistency and effort were the only ways to achieve anything meaningful. I admired those who dedicated years to a craft, expecting to follow in their footsteps. But deep down, there was another belief quietly shaping my world: If I didn’t struggle for something, would it even be valuable?

I started noticing this belief in every area of my life. If something came easily, I would question it. Did I really deserve it? Did I earn it? I had unconsciously tied my worth to how much effort I put in. If something was effortless, it didn’t feel “worthy” enough.

If you’ve ever noticed yourself needing approval to feel validated, you might find comfort in 10 Daily Self-Love Rituals for a Harmonious Mindset, which helped me start shifting my focus inward, rather than outward.

The Truth About Effort and Worth

Then, one day, I had a realization. I looked back and saw that so many opportunities especially financial ones had come to me without struggle. Clients found me, abundance landed in my lap, and the universe seemed to open doors without months of hardship. So why did I still believe I needed to earn everything the hard way?

I started questioning these deeply ingrained beliefs:

  • Do I need to struggle to prove my worth?
  • Can things come to me easily and still be valuable?
  • If something happens effortlessly, does it mean I don’t deserve it?

The answer was clear: I had been measuring my worth in a way that wasn’t serving me.

If you’re curious about how beliefs shape your self-worth, Understanding and Challenging Deep-Rooted Beliefs is a powerful resource to help you start untangling these patterns.

Redefining Success on My Own Terms

I realized I no longer wanted to tie my self-worth to how hard I worked or how much I earned every month. I am valuable, whether I make a lot of money one month or nothing at all. My success is not defined by struggle, and my worth is not up for negotiation.

If you’ve ever felt like you needed to work yourself to exhaustion to prove you’re deserving, ask yourself this: What if things could come to you effortlessly? Would you still feel worthy of them?

You don’t have to exhaust yourself to be deserving. You are worthy just as you are. And that is more than enough.

How I Started Letting Go of Approval

Letting go of the need for approval wasn’t a switch I flipped overnight. It was a journey—one that required self-reflection, compassion, and a willingness to rewrite my story.

1. Noticing the Pattern

The first step was self-awareness. I started to notice when I was seeking approval. Was I making choices because I wanted them, or because I hoped someone would finally say, “Good job”? Journaling helped me spot these moments and get honest about my motivations. You can find more about this practice in 30-Day Gratitude Challenge, which includes prompts for self-reflection.

2. Questioning My Beliefs

I began to question the beliefs I’d inherited. Was it really true that struggle equals worth? Or was that just a story I’d been told? I explored these questions through journaling and affirmations, gently challenging the old narratives.

3. Practicing Self-Validation

Instead of waiting for others to approve of my choices, I started giving myself permission. I celebrated my wins, big or small even if no one else noticed. I learned to say, “I’m proud of myself,” and mean it. If you need help with this, 10 Daily Self-Love Rituals for a Harmonious Mindset offers simple ways to practice self-validation every day.

4. Embracing Effortless Abundance

I opened myself to the idea that good things can come easily. I stopped questioning my luck or feeling guilty when life flowed. I started to believe that I was worthy of abundance, even if it didn’t come with sweat and tears. For more on shifting from scarcity to abundance, read Cultivating Gratitude: A Path to Abundant Joy.

5. Reframing My Inner Dialogue

When I caught myself seeking approval or doubting my worth, I used positive self-talk to reframe my thoughts. Instead of, “Will they like this?” I asked, “Do I like this?” Instead of, “Did I do enough?” I said, “I am enough.”

6. Finding Joy in My Own Journey

I started pursuing things that brought me joy, regardless of whether anyone else noticed or cared. I explored new hobbies, creative projects, and passion projects that made me feel alive. I stopped waiting for applause and started living for myself.

7. Letting Go of Perfectionism

I realized that perfectionism was just another way of seeking approval. I let myself make mistakes, try new things, and be a “work in progress.” Self-compassion became my new standard, not perfection. If you need support with this, How to Self-Soothe Daily is full of gentle practices for self-kindness.

What I Learned About Self-Worth

The biggest lesson? My worth is not up for debate. It doesn’t depend on how hard I work, how much I earn, or who notices my achievements. I am worthy because I exist. Full stop.

If you’re on this journey too, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to want approval—it’s human. But you don’t have to let it define you. You can choose, every day, to validate yourself, to celebrate your own growth, and to rest in the truth that you are enough.

If You’re Struggling With Approval…

Remember, healing is a process. Start by noticing when you seek approval, then gently question those beliefs. Celebrate your wins, practice self-compassion, and open yourself to the idea that you are worthy no matter what anyone else thinks.

If you want more tools for building self-worth, check out these posts on EuphoriaWithin.com:

You are enough, just as you are. And that is more than enough.

Becoming Me