Have you ever felt like you’re fighting an invisible enemy one that lives inside your own mind?
I used to think I was broken. There I was, trying everything under the sun to change my relationship with my body, my habits, my entire life reading every self-help book, following every expert, white-knuckling my way through “transformation” and nothing would stick.
The harder I tried, the more stuck I felt. Like I was running on a treadmill that someone kept speeding up, leaving me exhausted but getting nowhere.
Maybe you know this feeling too. That sense that you’re your own worst enemy, sabotaging yourself just when things start to get good. The frustration of knowing what you should do but somehow never being able to sustain it.
For years, I blamed my lack of willpower. I convinced myself I just wasn’t disciplined enough, strong enough, worthy enough of the life I desperately wanted.
I was looking in all the wrong places.
The Day Everything Changed
It was a Tuesday afternoon, nothing special. I was sitting in my kitchen, journal open, feeling defeated after another “failed” attempt at change. Instead of writing about my goals or gratitude (like I thought I should), I just… vented.
I wrote about how tired I was of feeling like a fraud. How exhausting it was to constantly perform “wellness” while feeling internally chaotic. How scared I was that maybe I was just destined to struggle forever.
And then, in the middle of my rant, my pen wrote something that stopped me cold:
“I’m terrified that if I succeed, people will expect me to be perfect forever, and I’ll eventually disappoint them.”
I stared at that sentence like it was written in a foreign language. Where did that come from?
The Beliefs That Run Our Lives
That’s when I discovered something that changed everything: core beliefs.
These aren’t the beliefs we consciously choose like “I believe in kindness” or “I believe exercise is good for me.” Core beliefs are the invisible programming running in the background of our lives, formed so early we don’t even remember learning them.
They sound like:
- “Love has to be earned through achievement”
- “My needs don’t matter as much as others'”
- “If I’m not perfect, I’m not worthy”
- “Success means I’ll lose the people who love me as I am”
- “My body can’t be trusted”
These beliefs don’t announce themselves. They operate in shadow, influencing every choice we make, every goal we set, every relationship we enter.
And here’s the thing that blew my mind: your core beliefs will always win.
No matter how much willpower you summon, no matter how perfect your plan is if there’s a core belief working against you, it will sabotage your efforts every single time. Not because you’re weak, but because your subconscious is trying to keep you “safe” within the confines of what it believes is true about you and the world.
My Hidden Saboteur
As I kept journaling and getting curious instead of judgmental, more truths emerged:
I wasn’t afraid of being healthy. I was afraid of being seen.
I wasn’t afraid of success. I was afraid of the responsibility that came with it.
I wasn’t afraid of food or exercise. I was afraid that if I got “too happy” or “too confident,” something terrible would happen to humble me.
Can you imagine living with that kind of internal terrorism? No wonder I felt exhausted all the time. Part of me was constantly at war with the other part, and I didn’t even know it was happening.
The Moment Everything Shifted
The day I truly understood what was driving my behavior, something profound happened. I felt this incredible sense of compassion not just for myself, but for the little girl inside me who had learned these beliefs as a way to survive.
She wasn’t trying to sabotage me. She was trying to protect me based on what she learned about how the world worked.
But what protected me at seven was now imprisoning me at thirty.
For the first time, I stopped fighting myself and started having a conversation with myself instead.
What Changes When You Change Your Core Beliefs
Once I began to gently challenge and rewrite these deep-seated beliefs, everything began to shift not through force, but through understanding:
My body relaxed. The constant tension I carried melted away because I wasn’t constantly braced for attack from myself.
My choices became easier. When you’re not unconsciously sabotaging yourself, healthy decisions feel natural instead of like punishment.
My relationships improved. I stopped people-pleasing from a place of fear and started connecting from a place of authenticity.
My goals felt achievable. Instead of setting goals that my subconscious would rebel against, I began aligning my desires with beliefs that actually supported them.
My inner dialogue became kinder. The harsh critic in my head got replaced by a gentle guide who wanted me to succeed.
The Questions That Set You Free
If you’re reading this and thinking, “How do I find my core beliefs?” start here:
🤍 What pattern keeps repeating in your life, no matter how hard you try to change it?
🤍 What were you told (directly or indirectly) about yourself, your worth, or your place in the world when you were young?
🤍 What are you most afraid will happen if you actually succeed at your goals?
🤍 When you imagine your “best life,” what voice whispers “but you can’t have that because…”?
The answers might surprise you. They might make you cry. They might make you angry at people who were just doing their best with what they knew at the time.
All of that is okay. The goal isn’t to blame anyone it’s to free yourself.
Your Invisible Chains Can Become Your Greatest Strengths
Here’s what I’ve learned: the same beliefs that once limited you can become your superpowers when consciously chosen instead of unconsciously inherited.
My fear of disappointing people? It became a deep commitment to authenticity and honest communication.
My fear of being “too much”? It became the courage to take up space and inspire others to do the same.
My fear of imperfection? It became the ability to embrace growth and model self-compassion.
Your core beliefs aren’t your enemy they’re unconscious programs waiting to be updated with your conscious participation.
The Gentle Revolution
You don’t need to excavate every limiting belief you’ve ever held. You don’t need to go to therapy for ten years (though therapy can be beautiful if it calls to you). You don’t need to have a dramatic breakdown to have a breakthrough.
Sometimes it’s as simple as getting curious instead of critical when you notice yourself stuck in old patterns.
Sometimes it’s as gentle as asking, “What would I choose if I truly believed I was worthy of good things?”
Sometimes it’s as revolutionary as deciding that the little girl inside you deserves better than the beliefs she inherited.
The most profound changes often happen not through force, but through love.
Your core beliefs shaped you, but they don’t have to define you. The invisible chains you’ve been carrying can be unlocked with the same key that created them: your own mind, used consciously instead of automatically.
What belief are you ready to examine? What pattern are you ready to understand instead of just endure?
The answers are already inside you, waiting to set you free.
